The 2010 Formula 1 Constructor's Beauty Contest:

The championship is over; 2010 saw Red Bull and Seb Vettel take the top prizes in a season where the drivers crown wasn’t decided until the very last race.

As Renault and Force India battled for 6^th in the Constructor’s championship and McLaren strove to keep 2^nd place, the top five finished thusly:

1 Red Bull

2 McLaren Mercedes

3 Ferrari

4 Mercedes GP

5 Renault

But how does the Championship look if we do away with the necessity to actually win races and score points? What if we take the Championship down to the shallowest level there is and base the positions on how nice the car looks?!!

So here it is, “The Top 5 2010 Formula 1 Constructors Beauty Contest”….

5 - Red Bull

I’d never been a fan of the blue Red Bull livery, but when you see it during a night race, the blue takes on an electric sparkle and it never looks the same again. Toro Rosso’s brighter twin – the Red Bull has a mass block of blue, tipped with the signature red and yellow from the Red Bull logo. It’s a look which goes with the brand, it’s modern, a bit funky – and full of energy!

4 - Lotus

I was initially disappointed when I saw Lotus’ green paint-job. Like many others I was hoping for a new John Player Special with black and gold (which we’ll get to see next year!). But it’s grown on me and the classic green is a great nod to the heritage of the Lotus name.

3 - McLaren

I’ve got a soft spot for McLaren, I’ve collected a few models and the colour scheme looks beautiful. There’s no real change to the paintwork in 2010 from last year – but the metallic silver and rocket red is superb. The reflective body has an almost organic quality, as light conditions change – so does the car as lights dance along the sleek lines. The McLarens have demonstrated to Mercedes what a silver car ought to look like!

2 - Virgin

This is the most exciting car paintwork of all the teams. Even Gok Wan would agree that black and red are a killer combination, but it’s not just the colours that make this design stand out – look at the ‘tattoo’ on the front wing! The swirly decal looks like a cross between a floral print and a Celtic symbol – but whatever it is, it looks cool. It features on their merchandise too and is the second best reason to buy a VR shirt*! If I can scrape together enough pennies then I hope to be wearing a Virgin top as well as my McLaren one next season! Virgin show flare and creativity, they are the only team which can start from the back of the grid and still look like the cool kid at school, they would have been number 1 on the list if it weren’t for the sheer bravery of….

1 - Renault

Renault! They’ve dumped French Euro-Chic and but stuck to their old racing colour – yellow. Yellow cars get a tough time, nobody seems to like them – but Renault have made it work big style with the R30.  The yellow and black design make it look like a supercharged wasp. This is going to be a controversial choice for number 1, when it was launched I saw people recoil in horror when they saw the photos, but I feel I have to defend it. The colour scheme is so simple and yet so bold. It’s glossy, and smooth and uncluttered. I absolutely love it.

So here’s the new adjusted Constructors top 5.

FIA official standing:       Beauty Contest Winners:

1 Red Bull            -->    1 Renault

2 McLaren Mercedes    -->    2 Virgin

3 Ferrari             -->    3 McLaren

4 Mercedes GP         -->    4 Lotus 

5 Renault             -->    5 Red Bull

Want to see the cars? I would have posted pictures here but I want the blog to be as uncluttered as possible (for reading on smaller/mobile screens) – don’t be lazy – do a Google image search!

[* The first reason obviously being that they are a Yorkshire team! It’s something I mention quite regularly!]

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F1 2010 Driver Championship: The Movie!

With the tension building to almost unbearable levels over who will clinch the 2010 Driver Championship, I've read many opinions and statistics on the possible outcome. It's the sort of drama you experience watching a film which makes you wonder how the race could be interpreted on the big screen. 

So here are a few possible conclusions to the Abu-Dhabi race presented in various film styles...

 

Lewis Hamilton on top of the world: The Period Drama.

The Lord Lewis of Hamilton (wearing his lucky tights and favourite codpiece) strode up to the Gentleman known as Master Fernando and announced that he intended to duel him. The good sir agreed and the two entered their chariots to commence racing. Pretty soon the silver steed of Hamilton managed to tire Fernando's prancing horse and the red-clad stallion sputtered to a halt. As Master Fernando walked dejected to the side of the arena, Lord Hamilton witnessed another duel up ahead. Markus Webber and and Sir Bastion Vettel were coming close to fisticuffs as the wheels of their chariots met on several occasions. "Thou art driving like a lunatic" exclaimed Sir Bastion as he gestured that Webber was perhaps mentally defective. The two rode parallel, pushing to the very limit as each sought to complete the race first. However, as both steered to the left, further contact was made and the bull powered chariots collided in such a fashion that both were rendered quite useless.
Lord Lewis sped on through the carnage, waving his handkerchief to the crowd and bidding farewell to the gentlemen who had tried but failed to reach the end of the race. That evening over crumpets and tea, Lord Lewis felt positively on top of the world as he looked over at his new trophy. 

Webber wins the championship: in French film-noir.

The sound of a Rouge-Bull engine fills the speakers as a grainy black and white RB6 enters the screen before disappearing into the dusky Yas Marina Bay distance. After dominating the race with monsieurs Webber and Alonso behind, Vettel with one hand on the wheel, slowly removes his cigarette before mumbling that it's time to "balance things out, mon amis". His hand replaces the cigarette so that it hangs loosely on his lips, he then relaxes the throttle and Webber pulls ahead to take the win. As the two team mates step out of their cars after a lap of honour they embrace and walk away with arms around shoulders. The champagne sprayed over the crowd moments later is an oak matured, zesty little number from a compact family-run vineyard.

Alonso clinches 3^rd Driver crown: The American dream – a Hollywood account.

It's the last race of the season - the Philadelphia Grand Prix. We see Fernando 'the Fonz' Alonso talking in an American accent during an interview before the race. His record breaking qualifying lap has created a buzz and the paddock is in awe. He starts the race well in his Ford Ferrari (sporting a 'stars and stripes' paint-job) and looks set for an easy win. But there's disaster in the pits for team mate Randy Massa, and Fonz Alonso stops to assist the mechanics. Now at the back of the pack Alonso has to battle through to the front. As he attempts overtaking manoeuvres never before believed possible he inspires those who watch him and battles with nemesis Petrov in a shameful exploitation of Cold War prejudice to clinch a win in front of a whooping crowd.  As he stands on the highest step on the podium he shouts "God bless America" and tells kids that drugs are wrong before marrying his fiancée at Elvis themed ceremony.

Vettel becomes world champ: The ‘Carry On’ film style farce.

Seb Vettel is a cheeky young driver  who has enjoyed an night of naughty exploits in order to relax for the big race. He stifles a grin as Alonso (played by Sid James) boasts to him and Webber that he’s already done it twice already and fancies doing it a third time in front of everybody on the track. He moves along the pit wall to be interviewed by mini-skirt clad journalist who giggles before asking him if she can touch his helmet. After a series of innuendo-laced questions (“Will Alonso come at you from behind?”) it’s time to clear the track and start the race.

Vettel doesn’t get off to a good start, he falls to fourth behind his team mate, Hamilton, and Alonso. But midway through the race both Webber and Hamilton are distracted by the local outdoors keep-fit club when a move involving arms being flung out to the side results in the pinging off of a bra. Both drivers swerve off into the gravel and Alonso’s car overheats when an air-duct is blocked by a rogue airborne brazier. Vettel cruises to an easy victory while a group of girls giggle at the commentator referring to Kubica as an “excited Pole”. 

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Lotus, Virgin Racing, HRT: The 'other' championship...

The Driver's (and Constructor's) Championship could be decided in Brazil, but chances are it won't be over until the final race in Abu Dhabi. Although you may be cheering on one of the three teams in contention - make sure you double the fun by getting behind one of the new three teams as well.

The three new teams have lagged behind the rest, but by doing so they have effectively formed a second division, and only one of the new three can take the coveted tenth spot in the Constructors Championship and secure the prize money that comes with it.

But who exactly are these new kids on the block? And why should you cheer them on...?

LOTUS:

Who are they?:
The team with the most lucrative name in the F1 2nd division; "Lotus"  -  attracts press attention and sponsorship money. They are currently at the top of the league but simply having the historic marque "Lotus" on the car doesn't automatically make it fast  - Mike Gascoyne does that! Mike is a respected (and some would say feared) car designer and it is hoped that his management of the team will get them finishing further up the field over the next few seasons.

Reason to support them:
It's Lotus! The same name on the cars which brought us world champions such as Jim Clark and Graham Hill when F1 cars looked like canoes with wheels. It's also the name on the most iconic F1 livery car  ever seen - the John Player Special! Okay, admittedly they are now a Malaysian Team arguing over the Lotus brand - but they're still (kind of) Lotus!


VIRGIN RACING

Who are they?:
Although Virgin Racing are a new name on the grid, Manor Racing (the technical bods behind the car) are no strangers to racing. They are a small outfit who have racked up impressive results in single seater racing - Lewis Hamilton won a 2003 Formula Renault championship with them, and he's not done bad for himself since. With extensive sponsorship from Virgin (hence the change of team name) this will hopefully be a team to stick around. Despite a major glitch at the start of the season when it was discovered that the fuel tank was too small to fuel the car properly to the end of the race, the team have secured a few double finishes and form the strongest competition to Lotus.

Reason to support them:
VR may as well stand for Vitual Reality here - Virgin's 2010 car is the first ever to be designed completely using computer software rather than traditional models and wind-tunnels, they are the TRON of the sports world! Virgin seem to ooze cool too and the car decal is simply beautiful - the front wing print is a work of art. For me though, the ultimate reason to support Virgin Racing is because they're from chuffing Yorkshire!


HRT

Who are they?:
Hispania Racing Team have the brains of Campos Motorpsport behind them, a fairly successful racing team in Formula 3. Unfortunately the venture into F1 hasn't seen the team achieve anything other than a mystery element to race weekends as we guess who'll be behind the wheel - (why is Karun Chandhok not in the driver seat!?) They only just got the car ready before the first race of the season, they nearly didn't make it to the grid.

Reason to support them:
They are the underdogs. F1 teams make many adjustments to the car and apply significant upgrades throughout the season, but HRT haven't - they are like the poor old guy you sometimes see when you're driving through town, no matter what the weather, he always wears exactly the same clothes and the fact he makes it out of the house is a minor cause for celebration. And then there's the name ..."HRT"; the most unfortunate acronym since the Teenage Wakefield Amateur Theatre group was formed. If you have enough money in the bank, there's a good chance you could jump in the cockpit and tackle the curves of Abu-Dhabi in a couple of weeks driving alongside Bruno Senna. In short - HRT get the sympathy vote.

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